I realized recently just how bitter a person I have become. I don't know when I became like this old naggy woman who finds fault in everyone but herself, and criticizes everything around her, has no tolerance and voices loud, bitter, irritated opinions to anyone and everyone who is listening (or not). I've lost my enthusiam, my general air of happiness, and tolerance (to the point of indifference- now I think only core-level indifference remains). Worst thing, though it might superficial and trivial, is the change in speech. I sound so bitter now. I use harsh language, for friends, relatives, people in general, regardless of whether or not they've even said or done something to me.

I am also doing a lot of this. Skimming through life quickly, counting hours, minutes, simply waiting for things, days, weeks to get over. And get where? Reach at what? It's like living on the surface, refusing to settle into anything, just racing to get somewhere (I don't know where).

I've become really shady, I say.