What goes around comes around, I guess. In emotional frenzy, one does things, which even if unintended, are unkind. And justify it though you may, suffer you will. For one does not always ask reasons before awarding retribution.

Another one of Those

What bothers me is the indifference which comes naturally, and the effort that has to be put in to make an appearance of non-indifference (concern..? Nah, that doesn't really fit).

The can-do-with-can-do-without attitude.

Like I care.

Too long, too long.

Ticktock, sab theek thaak. (Yeah, reading Midnight's Children)

It's fun being cold. With a pun on the last word.

It's also fun being washed with rain. But how would all of you know? You're stealing fragments of your life and trying to piece it in. A bit of Kutchi sandpapered away.

Enough now. I'll save the cogging for the projects.

Where am I going, really? Have you ever got the feeling the person you look at when you look at yourself isn't what you could ever imagine yourself becoming?

Is this really me? Have I actually become like this? I know I'm sounding like a shady teenager writing in a diary s/he hides away carefully.

No, but really. I think I need to do something quick. I don't like whereever it is going.

I realized recently just how bitter a person I have become. I don't know when I became like this old naggy woman who finds fault in everyone but herself, and criticizes everything around her, has no tolerance and voices loud, bitter, irritated opinions to anyone and everyone who is listening (or not). I've lost my enthusiam, my general air of happiness, and tolerance (to the point of indifference- now I think only core-level indifference remains). Worst thing, though it might superficial and trivial, is the change in speech. I sound so bitter now. I use harsh language, for friends, relatives, people in general, regardless of whether or not they've even said or done something to me.

I am also doing a lot of this. Skimming through life quickly, counting hours, minutes, simply waiting for things, days, weeks to get over. And get where? Reach at what? It's like living on the surface, refusing to settle into anything, just racing to get somewhere (I don't know where).

I've become really shady, I say.