I suppose it's once in a lifetime that you meet someone who understands you. In 20 years (yes, this is also to draw attention to the fact that I turned 20 recently), I've met just one person who understands me almost completely. Unfortunately though, like I keep telling him, I don't think he can ever appreciate me.
Friends are weird creatures. They come in all kinds of packages, sustain all sorts of temperaments and contribute in their own significant or not-so-significant way to life. But something I believe is common to all friends anyone will have will be that that friend should have a minimal understanding of the person concerned. If anything, that's probably the foundation. I've been lucky in that respect. I've had a bunch of friends who've all understood me pretty well, more often than not. But like I said, it's ever so rarely that there is that one person who knows you through and through, can almost always correctly predict what you'll feel. They say that when you meet such a person, with whom you have such a cherished equation, you should grab him with both hands.
But you know, sometimes it's this perfection that ruins the picture. It is this kind of complete understanding that slowly wears down fragments of the relationship. Something similar has happened in my case. Things happened too late. Understanding notwithstanding, acting on that understanding happened too late. There is too much criticism and inherent dislike for whatever is understood. A strange concoction of love and abhorrence. Leaving me afraid all the time as to which one will prevail on a given occasion, on a given day. Probably understanding too much is the natural precursor to contempt. One of life's little ironies, I suppose, to use the overused phrase.
That being the introduction, I really don't know how to get to actually describing this person. An entry on him has been pending for a while, and since this is my first entry on an individual, I assume that this person is flattered. Whenever I think of him, the first word that comes to my mind is supportive. For the time that I've known him, I can't think of a single incident when he has let me down. When I've needed to talk or cry or 'analyze' things when he hasn't been there. All right, there have been stray occassions, but they've cost us both and our relationship severely, and those aren't the prevalent memories. He always listents, always advices. It may not be a practicable or empathetic solution, but the fact that he offers a solution after a genuinely interested round of listening is enough. I think this is his greatest gift. He can actually make a problem seem simpler, a situation seem so much lighter. He has recently taken to doing small special things, being very thoughtful. I don't think it comes very naturally to him, but he's doing it for me now. Which is really touching.
Naturally, there are downsides. What hurts the most is the utter lack of the ability to relate or appreciate. That apart, shades of insecurity and very, very violent tempers sparsely hidden cast dark clouds. The funnt thing is, though there have been so, so many occassions when we've been together, I can't think of a single time which is either all happy or all sad. It's all...grey, in a way. Which isn't a bad thing, the way I mean it. All I'm saying is it's complicated..nothing seems simple anymore. And neither of us are helping that.
Sometimes I think I'll probably end up marrying him. For the simple reason that I know I'll never meet another person who understands me this way. Don't ask me how I know; it's just an instinct. But I think we'll drive each other crazy after a point. We differ on too many basics, as he had once said. Either way, I wanna make this a little dramatic, and thank him for every time he has unquestioningly been there for me, has patiently listened to me whining about the same things again and again. There's a lot more to him, there's a lot more to us. Both good and bad. But this is all I'll say for now.
Friends are weird creatures. They come in all kinds of packages, sustain all sorts of temperaments and contribute in their own significant or not-so-significant way to life. But something I believe is common to all friends anyone will have will be that that friend should have a minimal understanding of the person concerned. If anything, that's probably the foundation. I've been lucky in that respect. I've had a bunch of friends who've all understood me pretty well, more often than not. But like I said, it's ever so rarely that there is that one person who knows you through and through, can almost always correctly predict what you'll feel. They say that when you meet such a person, with whom you have such a cherished equation, you should grab him with both hands.
But you know, sometimes it's this perfection that ruins the picture. It is this kind of complete understanding that slowly wears down fragments of the relationship. Something similar has happened in my case. Things happened too late. Understanding notwithstanding, acting on that understanding happened too late. There is too much criticism and inherent dislike for whatever is understood. A strange concoction of love and abhorrence. Leaving me afraid all the time as to which one will prevail on a given occasion, on a given day. Probably understanding too much is the natural precursor to contempt. One of life's little ironies, I suppose, to use the overused phrase.
That being the introduction, I really don't know how to get to actually describing this person. An entry on him has been pending for a while, and since this is my first entry on an individual, I assume that this person is flattered. Whenever I think of him, the first word that comes to my mind is supportive. For the time that I've known him, I can't think of a single incident when he has let me down. When I've needed to talk or cry or 'analyze' things when he hasn't been there. All right, there have been stray occassions, but they've cost us both and our relationship severely, and those aren't the prevalent memories. He always listents, always advices. It may not be a practicable or empathetic solution, but the fact that he offers a solution after a genuinely interested round of listening is enough. I think this is his greatest gift. He can actually make a problem seem simpler, a situation seem so much lighter. He has recently taken to doing small special things, being very thoughtful. I don't think it comes very naturally to him, but he's doing it for me now. Which is really touching.
Naturally, there are downsides. What hurts the most is the utter lack of the ability to relate or appreciate. That apart, shades of insecurity and very, very violent tempers sparsely hidden cast dark clouds. The funnt thing is, though there have been so, so many occassions when we've been together, I can't think of a single time which is either all happy or all sad. It's all...grey, in a way. Which isn't a bad thing, the way I mean it. All I'm saying is it's complicated..nothing seems simple anymore. And neither of us are helping that.
Sometimes I think I'll probably end up marrying him. For the simple reason that I know I'll never meet another person who understands me this way. Don't ask me how I know; it's just an instinct. But I think we'll drive each other crazy after a point. We differ on too many basics, as he had once said. Either way, I wanna make this a little dramatic, and thank him for every time he has unquestioningly been there for me, has patiently listened to me whining about the same things again and again. There's a lot more to him, there's a lot more to us. Both good and bad. But this is all I'll say for now.
6 comments:
Understanding is a weird thing. knowledge, they say is power. yet at the same time ignorance is bliss sometimes. sounds contradictory, na. but the truth is the onus lies on the person who understands to turn this knowlege into a power, a power which can be used to do wondferful things and solve all of life's problems. if i may apply the objectivist approach which i had occasion to reflect on recently, our rationality enables us to percieve reality as it is, not as how we want it to be. at times it is hiow we want it to be, at times it is not, at times we realise later it is even better than wat we wanted. but thats how life is. we do not get everything exactly as we want which may not be a bad thing necessarily..if i may throw in sth from my own experience i have wanted some things and wat i got was infact even better than wat i wanted..but if we understand someone, if we have a perception of reality, that knowledfge must be acted on. knowledge is merely a tool, it needs to dictate action which achieve wonderful things. if the person on whom this note is written reads this, he must spare no time in acting on this understanding. it cant possibly be too late.
on a more personal note, i have rarely read such an entry. reading it more a third person's point of view also moved me. so i am quite sure, if that 'someone' read it, he had a tough time keeping his emotions in touch.
No one can truly understand another. If you feel that is the case, don't worry, it'll fade away.
It isn't said in vain that, we are unique, just like everyone else.
Funny, sad, shit man, life.
Ah you never used to make typos... you must've been in quite a mental state when you wrote this one. I must also say you do share a lot more than the average person on a non-anonymous blog. Anyhow, I hope that things work out for you, in whatever way you want them to. Its good that you have found someone that understands you this well; I cannot say the same for myself - and I feel myself wanting that kind of understanding, or at least more than I get out of anyone I know now. I hope you make the best of it.
Please do return some of the feelings you get from this person if you don't already - I have known people who put their soul into loving someone and never seemed to get anything in return - I doubt you are that kind of person, but for the sake of this guy, do so anyways... I am sure he deserves it.
:D i know i know.
ill come to marriage from both sides
ditto! :)
@ barty- Yeah..saw the typo, thought I'd leave it there.
Shit happens, and yeah, I think he deserved it. I tried. We both did. And shit happened.
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