Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Love Part II

Love was as subtly caught, as a disease; But being got it is a treasure sweet, which to defend is harder than to get: And ought not be profaned on either part, for though 'Tis got by chance, 'Tis kept by art.

-John Donne

The rare injection of poetry in my blog. Some of the truest words ever said.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Sometime around the second year, you start becoming lazy.
When you reach the third year, you kinda stop bothering much and everything happens in an vague inertia. You submit projects and write exams without giving either much thought.

In your fourth year, you hit the extreme lethargy button. You just can't get yourself to do anything. It's like nothing works on you- the carrot of marks, the fear of flunking. You avoid work while you can, for as long as you possibly can. You stretch laziness to new limits. The worst part is the utter indifference you feel. You just don't care! I am in the fourth year, and still struggling with trying to get myself to do projects. Hence... :)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I am a greedy, greedy pig. Not only did I hog up in less than a minute an entire Dairy Milk bar I had bought for myself, I also ate up one other I had bought out of gratitude for my Secret Santa, who has been giving me awesome gifts. Shame on me!! Grrr!!

But Dairy Milk is such a lovely chocolate..not too sweet, melts in your mouth, and has this nice, nice milky-chocolately-warming flavour. Sigh...

And I loved that ad there used to be; the girl who ends up destroying her mehndi after labouring with the wrapper of the chocolate for the longest time...and the jingle 'kabhi zindagi lage bhaari, kabhi lagti halki-phulki... iske rang haske dekho, apna le khushi har pal ki...thodi thodi bhaari thiodi thodi halki...apna le khushi har pal ki!'

Monday, December 15, 2008

My Post on Love- Part 1

You know, along with all the really great things people say love is, love is also a lot of simple things. Love is not only sacrifice, understanding and compassion; it is not only giving the unspoken things the other person may need or covet which you, through your care and concern understand s/he needs- it is also giving what is asked for.

Love is giving that toy your child is crying for; and no, that is not pampering him, that is not buying his affection or giving him the wrong lessons in life- that is love. Love is giving your parents that little extra care that they might demand in their old age- that isn't fulfilling your obligations, that is love. Love is giving your dog that extra chicken biscuit when he looks at it longingly from the foot of the cupboard, despite knowing that you might be ruining his training, and that he won't have much of an appetite left for his meal, only out of love for him. Love is meeting that girl you love when she asks you to, whatever be the hour, not because you want to demonstrate how giving your love is, or how selfless you are or even because you also want to meet, but simply because she asks you to, simply because you want to give her what she wants.

Call me materialistic, or demanding. But I think love is not just giving the unspoken, but giving what is asked for, no matter how ridiculous, or difficult or easy to give, or inconsequential or monumental, simple because it is asked for and desired.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A little bit of love. And a lot of attention. And even more patience.
Ahaa..internship-cum-job offer-type- thing. Interesting feeling. Not as elated as I'd thought I'd be. Maybe it's just not hit me.
I've almost got a job. Why, then?


Human beings are creatures with an insatiable curiosity. At least, most of them are. I have a hunch that even those who seem indifferent are curious deep down, but are too concerned, image-wise, to show it. I suppose it stems from that whole theory of man being a social animal and what not.

Curiosity can range from being about the most mundane things possible (Why do you always eat Butterscotch Ice cream? Why do you spell your name ‘Koushik’ and not ‘Kaushik’, or vice versa sometimes), to things which may be of some importance to you (What did she mean when she told me she’s happier being my friend…what does it really mean?), to things which are not even remotely connected to you (Do you think she was two-timing him? Why has he started drinking so heavily?)

Funnily enough, I think it’s the last category which is most discussed, most thought about and most philosophized over. So let me rephrase to say, human beings are creatures with an insatiable curiosity about others. Which possibly explains why Agony Aunt columns in magazines are the ones which are (more often than not..and don’t you lie to yourself here) opened and read, one can scarcely (and with Herculean self-control stretched to its tautest)stop oneself from reading another person’s diary, why the right to privacy is so often stressed upon and even more often violated.

I suppose this incurable interest in other people’s life stems from the constant need we have to move in herds. Misery loves company, they say. And something I have observed is that the one thing we look for, in any situation, whether good or bad, is company. At least, I do; and admittedly, I am a prime example of a non-loner, if there ever was one. But I think it’s something which can be generally observed in human masses at large. Which is why it feels awful to be the last to be picked in any sport in gym class (because you are left alone as the non-picked person). And why it is so comforting when you’re not the only one pulled up for some (even) not-so-gross violation of discipline in class. Or why it is a great sense of relief that not just you, but your brother is also going to be reprimanded for coming home past curfew. I think we feel that not being punished alone, or giving explanations as part of a group seriously nullifies the general humiliation we would feel had we been alone. That we can face the world bravely in herds, but would trip the second we were to be alone. There’s a strong need to not be singled out, to hunt for precedent and not be faced with anything unique. I don’t think this need for company just limits itself to being caught in situations which may (rather, will) have negative implications, though. For even in the happiest moments of our lives, I think we’d like to look around and see others who have had similar good fortunes.

And I suppose we read Agony Aunt columns in magazines to ensure that we are not alone in our misery, that someone is doing just as badly or worse, with problems like ours. Because so long as we’re not alone, we can handle it.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Month Theory

I was propounding a relationship theory to a friend of mine today, who has the acute misfortune of being the victim of most of my theories these days. Don’t know to how many people it’s applicable, but it’s a general trend I have observed… In any case, it’s something like this:

Month 1 and 2: In the first and second month of your relationship, things seem like they just couldn’t get any better. And they probably won’t (only it doesn’t seem like a bad thing just then). Life is this cotton candy, which is fluffed up with sweetness that it doesn’t feel like you’ll ever reach the stick. You can’t find any flaws with the other person; in fact, you spend large parts of your time wondering just how you could get this lucky. It’s the holding hands, being-clingy-and-it’s-allowed phase, when you think any minute spent apart is a minute wasted. In any case, pass sixty days and well…

Month 3: Shit begins to happen, slowly but unmistakably. The little things you used to adore become a little nagging (why does he keep doing this, anyway..it was cute at first…). The glow of perfection seems to reduce in wattage just a little bit. The cute little fights become somewhat tiring. You’ll probably start wondering just a teeny-weeny bit what you were thinking when you were swept off your feet. But then you work hard, make your peace with it and recall desperately the great love that you used to have. The strength of the memory (which is still fairly considerable at this point) drives you on with renewed determination.

Month 4: You’re probably working on your relationship full time to keep it going. It’s a little bit of guilt, little bit of love, little bit of boredom, and (almost always, for us unlucky conscientious folks) guilt about the boredom you feel that’s driving you on. You reinvent yourself, the other person and your relationship, try new things (and the old ones that you once upon a time found cute). You try romantic getaways, gifts of varying sizes and price-tags, and several tactics ranging from concentrating full-time on the relationship to taking the occasional time-off to figure things out. God forbid one of you is still in the Month 1 and 2 phase though... this is when the clinginess really bites.

Month 5: Full-time fighting on now. It’s war, because anger is just about all you can feel now. All the bitchy stories from the past 4 months (yes, including the two month honeymoon, which doesn’t seem all that blemish-free anymore) are brought up, rewound, thrown at each other for good measure, buried only to be brought up once again. Accusations are piled, compromises are made half-heartedly, but you haven’t reached the indifference point yet…

Month 6 and 7: This is the phase of indifference, and from here, there is rarely any rescuing possible. Let's face it, you just don't care enough anymore. You're drained of energy and are begging for respite, in whatever form it comes in most easily. Whether it gets dragged to Month 7 or limits itself to Month 6 is purely chance, and depends on how clingy the two of you are. If you’re on the same footing in having reached a point of no-return irritability, you’ll end it by Month 6. Else, it drags on, much to the despair of both parties. Month 6 break-ups allow some semblance of a friendship to remain, Month 7 ones usually destroy any tolerance possible.
It might end on a good note, it might get awfully bitter. I have a policy of not keeping in touch with ex-es, and don’t relax it for at least a year after the relationship. I think the ideal time to break-up is around the middle of Month 4. Romantic relationships are always obviously different with different people, but in every case, those first two months probably make the whole thing worth it.

And if you pull beyond Month 7, and dare to venture into Month 8, it’s probably a keeper :)

Is it just who I am?

It’s been so long! I was worried they’d closed my blog down. But apparently they don’t do that. In any case… it’s been so long because I’ve been too lazy to write. But in the meantime, I have been flattered to learn that people actually missed my blog during its hibernation phase. So writing with renewed vigour, here I am…
A lot has happened, but I had this funny thought today so I'll just write about that. There are a lot of times in life when we decide to change certain things about ourselves. There are self-help books, spiritual Gurus, TV evangelists, inspiring quotations and what-not that try and coax us to do things like rid ourselves of anger, cleanse ourselves of feelings like greed, jealousy, to forgive and forget, to be calm and peaceful, and other such things which constitute the better lot of this world. There have been many times in the recent past when I have sworn I am going to be a calmer, more even-tempered person. I have made up my mind to be consciously less aggressive, be more tolerant and argue less etc. But I couldn’t help but wonder today (while I was reading a part in In Cold Blood where this chap who is an ardent Christian is in prison, and is lecturing this other guy on how he should rid himself of the ill-will he feels towards people who are happy) whether we can actually consciously change these things about ourselves. I mean, if you have a jealous temperament, or get angry quickly, what you can do at best is not show it when you feel it. Beyond that, is it really in your hands to do something about it? If you force yourself to remain calm in situations that ordinarily merit a major lashing-out, will being a neutral human being become part of your essential character? Can you really make not feeling envy or greed a habit? Isn't it something that comes way to naturally to us for us to mess with and alter? In an earlier post, I remember describing the physically torturous aspect of feeling jealousy... how do you rid yourself of that clutching feeling in your stomach and that hot feeling in your throat and under your nose?

I probably sound very demoralizing to any of you who are intending to effect a major life-change, and am undoing the good work that several old men (and women) before me have done. But I really can’t help thinking that at best, we can delude the people around us, and with great difficulty (perhaps) ourselves, but can even constant efforts to stop feeling something or start feeling something become a part of who we are? Just a curious little thought…