Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Month Theory

I was propounding a relationship theory to a friend of mine today, who has the acute misfortune of being the victim of most of my theories these days. Don’t know to how many people it’s applicable, but it’s a general trend I have observed… In any case, it’s something like this:

Month 1 and 2: In the first and second month of your relationship, things seem like they just couldn’t get any better. And they probably won’t (only it doesn’t seem like a bad thing just then). Life is this cotton candy, which is fluffed up with sweetness that it doesn’t feel like you’ll ever reach the stick. You can’t find any flaws with the other person; in fact, you spend large parts of your time wondering just how you could get this lucky. It’s the holding hands, being-clingy-and-it’s-allowed phase, when you think any minute spent apart is a minute wasted. In any case, pass sixty days and well…

Month 3: Shit begins to happen, slowly but unmistakably. The little things you used to adore become a little nagging (why does he keep doing this, anyway..it was cute at first…). The glow of perfection seems to reduce in wattage just a little bit. The cute little fights become somewhat tiring. You’ll probably start wondering just a teeny-weeny bit what you were thinking when you were swept off your feet. But then you work hard, make your peace with it and recall desperately the great love that you used to have. The strength of the memory (which is still fairly considerable at this point) drives you on with renewed determination.

Month 4: You’re probably working on your relationship full time to keep it going. It’s a little bit of guilt, little bit of love, little bit of boredom, and (almost always, for us unlucky conscientious folks) guilt about the boredom you feel that’s driving you on. You reinvent yourself, the other person and your relationship, try new things (and the old ones that you once upon a time found cute). You try romantic getaways, gifts of varying sizes and price-tags, and several tactics ranging from concentrating full-time on the relationship to taking the occasional time-off to figure things out. God forbid one of you is still in the Month 1 and 2 phase though... this is when the clinginess really bites.

Month 5: Full-time fighting on now. It’s war, because anger is just about all you can feel now. All the bitchy stories from the past 4 months (yes, including the two month honeymoon, which doesn’t seem all that blemish-free anymore) are brought up, rewound, thrown at each other for good measure, buried only to be brought up once again. Accusations are piled, compromises are made half-heartedly, but you haven’t reached the indifference point yet…

Month 6 and 7: This is the phase of indifference, and from here, there is rarely any rescuing possible. Let's face it, you just don't care enough anymore. You're drained of energy and are begging for respite, in whatever form it comes in most easily. Whether it gets dragged to Month 7 or limits itself to Month 6 is purely chance, and depends on how clingy the two of you are. If you’re on the same footing in having reached a point of no-return irritability, you’ll end it by Month 6. Else, it drags on, much to the despair of both parties. Month 6 break-ups allow some semblance of a friendship to remain, Month 7 ones usually destroy any tolerance possible.
It might end on a good note, it might get awfully bitter. I have a policy of not keeping in touch with ex-es, and don’t relax it for at least a year after the relationship. I think the ideal time to break-up is around the middle of Month 4. Romantic relationships are always obviously different with different people, but in every case, those first two months probably make the whole thing worth it.

And if you pull beyond Month 7, and dare to venture into Month 8, it’s probably a keeper :)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

i'd say dump her as soon as the honeymoon phase is over man..
what are u waiting for?

Bhavya said...

Yeah, you just want the action, eh? The Month 4 guilt-making out is awesome, hence.. :)

Anonymous said...

Yeah..relationships are the cutest when left short and sweet..beyond which the various complications which make life the way it is set in.."Accusations are piled, compromises are made half-heartedly"

barty said...

In all your cynicism (or pointed realism, whatever it be), don't forget...

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. ~Anthony Robbins

Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important. ~Carl Reiner

Divya said...

I was just reading this from a different perspective this time and all I can say is, why so cynical boss? :P

Bhavya said...

Hehe, even I was re-reading a couple of weeks ago and thinking it surprising that you agreed- sounds so immature now. But then again, think back to looong nights on hostel terrace :)

Also, your comment tells me all is well :D