Monday, July 9, 2007

The Arranged Marriage

I am one of those people who gives marriage a lot of thought. Actually, I am not sure there
exists and entire class of people that does that, but it's comforting to think that I'm not
the only gamomaniac, or thinking-about-gamo-maniac in a population of 6 billion (by the way,
is it still there? Anyway, convenient number). Now before you get me wrong, it's not like
I'm dying to get married or something. Nor do I wish to have some form of legalized sex.
Nope; I genuinely believe in the institution of marriage. And I like to think about its
nuances. Till some time ago, it never really seemed like a great achievement when marriages
lasted, or couples compromised to live their lives together. Nor did arranged marriages seem
like an impossible or even difficult form of finding a life-partner. I was quite okay with
the idea of my parents finding me a suitable boy. And my living my life with him. I cannot
put my finger on when the idea actually started to irk me.

I think it started somewhere around six months ago. Lost in idle thoughts one day, I thought
of this chap, X, who I am acquainted with..actually friends with. Well, so X is pretty good
marriage material for an arranged marriage. He's from a well-educated, good family. His
siblings are qualified from very good institutions. X too, is obtaining a degree from one of
the best universities in the country, and is bound to land a pretty good job. He looks okay,
is very well-mannered and blah. Importantly, he's the right ethnicity. All in all, quite a
match, in the eyes of any sensible parent. But having known him for a while, I'd be horrified
if I were to get married to him. It'd drive me up the wall for the simple reason that we're
not in the least compatible. Our interests and intellects differ. If we did have to spend a
life time together, we'd give each other hell. All the compromising nonsense is fine, but
somewhere deep down, I simply don't want to compromise.

Which brings me to the point that the thought of an arranged marriage has been giving me
nightmares. I mean, at best you figure out that the guy's from a good family, well-educated
and well-placed, but how do you know about the finer things in life, like his habits, how
clean he keeps the place, whether he's aggressive or not, whether he's all work or all fun
or (luckily) both? How do you know whether or not you'll get along with him at a base level?
And what do you do when you're stuck with someone you cannot get along with? Once again,
scary thoughts. To be continued when my brain springs to life once again...



There are pro's and cons to both arguments. The focus shouldn't be on whether one is better than the other .. the focus should be on answering just one question: How will I know that I am not making a mistake marrying this guy? Irrespective of whether it's arranged or not. Coming from me it shouldn't be a surprise cos after 8 years of courting and 1 year of marriage (and 3+ years of living together in all) it still ended up in a separation. Oh yeah, I can go on ranting on this subject .. !

Bhavya said...

Oh dear..I'm sorry.
I have no hope whatsoever..:'(


Hope my dear child is what keeps us alive ... ;-)

Vatsala said...

He's going away :(

unforgiven said...

It's amazing how an entire short essay about marriage can be written but not even once mention the word 'love'.

Bhavya said...

@ Vatsala- He's gone for me forever sweetheart. No memory, no etching. Sigh..gone on his white horse, eh?

@unforgiven- love? what's that? Don't you's cool to be cynical.
But on a serious note..OH MY GOD..what have I become? I didn't realize till you pointed it out. I've become a stone. The romantic in me's died forever, from the looks of it. This time, I'm REALLY scared

unforgiven said...

*shrug* Happens. One gets over it, eventually.
Crappy things happen to people, such is the way of life. If you can survive them, without any permanent scars, you're doing amazing.

Best of luck.

Bhavya said...

I learnt today that my mother thinks X is very good looking. Fucking scary life.

I'll come out of it without scars. I'm sure.