Friday, April 3, 2009

The Common Cold Syndrome

Inspired by the current state of my nose, not to mention general health, I wish to expound on the various things my system was forced to undergo when I suffered from a common cold. For the life of me, I don’t understand why it’s called a ‘common’ cold. I think it’s the most awful of all ailments, save the biggies.
For the last 3 days, my nose and throat have been acting like they have a life of their own. Till today, I was not in possession of that wonderful substance called Vicks Vaporub. So I spent two nights with at least one blocked nostril at all times. Last night was particularly disconcerting. After getting up over a thousand times and walking the enormous distance between my hostel room and the washbasin to blow my nose, I still had to breathe through my mouth. Discussing in particular the phenomenon of blowing one’s nose, I hate the fact that it just leaves you usually more breathless, and that the areas around your nose seem to burn right after you finish blowing it. Last night, it left me feeling particularly feisty and dissatisfied. In any case, after returning to my bed, I tried changing the position of my face many, many times, hoping that the blockage would reduce. My left nostril was completely clogged, and I kept closing my right one and trying to blow through the left one to get some relief. But nothing really happened. It was like these tiny creatures had set up an enormous fort in my left nostril and no gust of wind could blow it away. I even tried lying flat on my stomach, hoping that gravity would force those little minions to move down a bit. I finally found a position, head tilted slightly to the left, where the left nostril seemed to be clearing. And you’ll probably not believe this (I don’t know if there is a scientific irony sufficiently explaining this), but as my left nostril started to clear, my right one started filling up. I tried walking up and down, shook my head vigorously, blew my nose a couple of more times, but the Righties were even more tenacious than the Lefties had been. I had to keep breathing through my mouth, possible sounding like a majorly seduced porn star all through. After reviewing the desperate state of affairs the foreign invaders had put me in, I finally managed to locate a bottle of Tiger Balm. I tried to force myself to read what ailments exactly it was for, but I believe the lack of oxygen did now allow my brain to function properly. Out of sheer frustration, I put Tiger Balm on my nose. Now believe me when I tell you this, that is not one of the ailments it is for. My nose burnt all over, I had tears streaming down all over my face, and was basically more of a mess than I had been earlier. I think I even felt a little celebratory dance in my nostrils, which did give me momentary breathing space. Finally, after trying to fight of the various things going wrong in the general area of my face, I fell asleep, utterly exhausted.


Life's Like That... said...

this is a classic case of what i would call - Too Much Information. :P